Wednesday, August 29, 2012

A Not So Easy Post...

August 4th I found out I was pregnant.

A very faint pink line, and the only one I took a picture of.

Clear Blue, First Response and EPT became my companion for the next several
days as I woke up early, and tested my first morning pee.

I got three positives which would make one believe, 
"yes, this is indeed for real"...

but the positives grew lesser and lesser, and I knew that 
this pregnancy was not progressing.

I was at work when everything happened.
Not knowing exactly what to do, I did the best I could 
and made it through the day till I got home.

There's not a day so far that goes by that I don't think about what if I
did this, or what if I did that? Or today I would be this far along.
(according to theBump since I subscribed to their baby feed)
which I now have unsubscribed to .
And I know that that is the quickest way
to make yourself go insane.

The last time I cried about it was on Saturday, when I talked to 
one of my best friends about it. The best way to describe it, is feeling like I had
a huge joke played on me. It started with happiness ending in sadness and tears.

Talking to my mom made it easier.
"We don't see it now, but everything happens in His perfect time."
 is what she says. And that's so true. And for awhile there,  even though I knew that,
 telling my mind and heart to know it seemed impossible.

Everything happens for reason, and I know what's meant to be..
will be.

Please, in my own way of asking this, please do not ask questions.


Ashley said...

This is sooo hard!!! I am thinking about you! Don't play the what if game - it doesnt change things, just makes you feel worse when in reality, it just wasnt meant to be and it will never make sense!! Hang in there hun!!! Remain positive!

Syndal said...

aw thinking of you & hubby! hugs & prayers being sent your way!

Krista said...

Oh Elizabeth, my heart goes out to you! I can say that I experienced almost the exact same thing and it is HARD. Just know that you are being thought of and prayed for. Hugs girl!

Amber said...

Love you soooo much!!! I wish I could be there to say the right words and give you a big hug!!! Love you much and you'll get that hug in a few weeks!!! :)

LWLH said...

I'm so sorry love.
Big hugs your way.