Thursday, October 20, 2011

And So a Lesson Was Learned...

I look back on the past couple of  weeks,
and I get so aggravated at myself.
I even feel dumb because I let myself get so wrapped up
in it, and involved in the thoughts and emotions,
that I want to just laugh out loud at myself,
and then cry.

For the first time ever in our marriage,
I had a for real pregnancy scare.
I say scare, but it wasn't scary...
it was hopeful...and it was wishful.
I found myself praying, and making promises with God that
if this was for real, that I would do better with everything in my life.
So not good, I know.

A couple weeks ago I mentioned in a post how I thought my monthly
was about to arrive because I had a few clues, and the headache I had just
would not let up.

.And that was it.
Nothing.

Days go by and before I know it it's a week...
and I'm late.
Then it's a week and a few days.
I'm never late.
I feel exhausted...
I'm moody...
nauseous here and there
and I just feel different.

It's funny because when the hubs and I were in 
the moment of thinking I might be pregnant...
he was excited. He was stoked at the thought of having a baby.
And I enjoyed entertaining those thoughts in my mind.

but I'm not pregnant.



And I'm realizing now I put too much in to entertaining those thoughts...
that now I'm disappointed.
And realizing that I totally contradict myself...
is exhausting.



6 comments:

stephanie said...

that's hard, an emotional rollercoaster. and it's totally ok to feel every which way. it's normal, I promise :)

Jessica Renee said...

I'm sorry girly, I know that's gotta be so hard when this is something you want so much! All I'm thinking is if hubby was excited this time around, doesn't it mean y'all should start trying now? ;)

Jessica Renee said...

Also, I left you an award on my blog today :)

Krista said...

Anything to do with a baby/child is a total rollercoaster ride, from the moment you think you may be pregnant to...well who knows when, I'm still on it. This is not the end of your ride, which is indeed a good thing :)

Zara said...

:-( That's got to be one of the most stressful happenings in life.

It'll all work out when the time is right :-)Keep your chin up lady!

mama marchand said...

Love ya, bloggy friend! *hugs*