Monday, April 4, 2011

just thinking

i'm just thinking.

i can't sleep and to be honest with you i could care less about whether or not i capitalize my words in this post.

i'm sleepy, but like i said...i don't feel like sleeping..or let me rephrase that, i just can't fall asleep.

i just realized what april means.

it means the month my mom was born..and the month she passed away.

i seriously cannot believe it's already that time...it's already going to be a whole new year since she's been gone, and yet it once again doesn't feel like it.

i've been following this blog, don't waste your cancer...it's so awesome, and i highly recommend it.

i don't mean awesome in a way that i would say it's awesome because it's over decor or the latest fashion trends..

it's awesome because it's a young woman who is the same age as me, whose a wife, and a mom to precious ava.

she started this blog because it was a way to document her progress with cancer, and now since she is totally cancer free (praise the Lord!), she is trying to revamp and refocus should i say, in making this blog about living life, and loving it....loving her God, and loving her family more than ever.

she mentioned the other day how since being cancer free, the first thing she wanted to do is get rid of the hair she hid under a hat. obviously when she was going through chemo, she lost some hair.

so she decided to meet with a hairstylist and get a adorable little pixie cut. she totally rocks it, and it looks so precious.

one day when she picked ava up, ava noticed something was different about her mommy. she couldn't help but pat the back of her head, trying to figure out what was different. and all the while, it was like ava was telling libby that she knew she was her mom, and that she loved her no matter what...whether she had a pixie cut or not (she went from once having very long hair)!

it triggered a time that i will never forget.

i remember when my mom was going through her chemo sessions at st. thomas hospital in nashville. my mom was so strong and courageous for trying to beat the cancer, but obviously the medicine made her very weak.

i had picked up a card for her...it was seriously one of those "bright, sunny have a great day" type cards that i thought might bring some cheer to her room.

for what ever reason, my dad made me read this card to her.

as you already know, i couldn't get a word out. i cried, and cried...trying to read what i picked out and wrote, but i couldn't.

i remember my mom taking my hand, and with a look of "it's going to be okay, you are my little girl, and always will be...just know i'll always be your mom"...

even though these memories cause so many tears (my face is wet now), there's not an ounce of me that wishes i could forget them.

6 comments:

BARBIE said...

Oh Elizabeth, I am so sorry. I am not sure what to say. You have some precious moments with your momma! Praying God will comfort you!

Sarah said...

Girl, I went through the same thing with my mom.

Laura said...

I will be praying for you I know this must be a very difficult time.

Lyryn said...

Praying for you sweet heart.

tricia said...

Tears in my eyes ... praying for you this month!

Anna said...

Brought a tear to my eye. Praying for healing.