Saturday, October 23, 2010

Pour your Heart Out ....

I cannot count the number of times I have wrote a post only in turn to delete it right away.

Not only 5 minutes ago, I poured my heart out about a particular somethin, somethin'...only to turn around and delete it, because I was ashamed, and afraid for what people might think.

When I found this particular link, "Pour your Heart Out" from Things I Can't Say....I thought what an awesome, awesome idea! It would actually help people (like me) talk about things they actually wanted and needed to talk about, but couldn't because they felt like it wasn't worthy enough to say.

I guess there's no right or wrong way to go about starting this, so here goes nothing.

Every day I wake up...I wipe my eyes clean, and thank God that I have the chance, once more to wake up next to the man I married...who I love and adore. Along with giving thanks, I ask for the strength to control my thoughts, my words, and my actions.

I have something I call....a short fuse, also known as a temper. Friends (well most of them), would probably say they never, ever could see that in me...but that's me. It's "the other girl" that comes out of me, that I turn in to. Most of my family has seen this "other girl".

I am ashamed to say that I can go from zero to fifty in a matter of minutes. I hate that I don't know how to fight the right way. I hate that I don't know how to communicate without shutting down.

Believe it or not, communication is very hard for me. I would rather tuck everything inside, than to tell you how I feel and deal with any sort of negativity that comes from opening up. But in reality, more than likely, opening up solves more problems than one.

I hope that with me posting this, that I do not get judged, I do not get preached at, and I do not get talked about.

I know several people who like to take and use information like this, to form opinions and accusations, just to be able to make a conversation...and it honestly, makes me wanna barf.

Please don't assume my marriage is horrible and suffering. Like every other marriage and relationship, it has it's ups and downs. Ours is not perfect. But we work hard at it, and we deal with our problems. If there is one thing I can put out on this posting about my man, is the admiration I have for him that he doesn't put things on hold. If there's a problem, no matter what time of the day, he will talk about it, and get it resolved.

I know there's probably so many people, that when behind closed doors, you have no idea what goes on.

It's amazing how just writing something like this...can help.


Kim said...

Thanks for sharing, doll. That's a big step and you are a better person because of it :o)

Have a lovely Saturday.

Anonymous said...

I think this post is brave, and you are right we all have things we need to work on. it's just a question of once we realize something we may need to work on are we willing to or will we just say thats too hard to change? :)

Paige said...

Thank you for sharing. You are very brave for putting it all out there like you have. I hate this same short fuse that you are speaking of. Most people, friends/family/anyone has seen this tempter come out of me. I am ashamed of it, but some of it is just simple what makes me. I cannot control it, nor change it, so we'll just all have to live with it! haha

Heather said...

I do the same thing. write it. delete it. We ALL do that. And for the same reasons.
AND I suck at communication. No adult ever communicated with me as a child, never ask my feelings, never even just wanted to chat. SO guess what? I don't know how to do those communication things either. It's crappy. Now we know not to make those mistakes with our own kids.